At 11:11 on 11/11/11, I sat in my bed, where I usually write, with a hot cup of coffee in my hands and I made a wish. It wasn’t just any wish either. I made the biggest most epic wish ever made and now I’m going to follow through with the biggest most epic actions so it does come true.
What did I wish for? Usually wishes, hopes and dreams are things that I keep a very tight hold of really deep inside. Usually, I am dying inside with my wish kicking around in there wanting to come out but it just stays a wish. Usually.
Lately, I have not been my usual self. Lately, I haven’t held tight to the tail of any kites. Lately, I have been dreaming boldly, speaking freely and DELIBERATE about my actions. I am finally afraid of little. What did I wish for?
Dear Celestial Planning Committee, please help me become a better writer. Please allow my voice to reach those that need it but especially please allow my voice to free me. I want my life’s work to be my passion and my passion to be my life’s work. I want my life to be filled with sex, love and joy and I want my work to be sex, love and joy. I want it to reach those that have hurt like me and I want the example of my life and my work to show them they can free themselves.
That was what I wished for and what I am going to spend the rest of my life working towards. The day came this September that the risk to remain tight in a bud was greater than the risk and pain of blossoming. In fact, I came thisclose to really self-wilting this September. After the darkest moment of my life I realized I had nothing to lose by choosing the harder path. After the darkest moment of my life I realized that the easy path would kill the best of me slowly but surely.
So, I’ve fully stepped into my purpose. I am…
…An uncensored sex-positive writer dedicated to empowering brave nonjudgmental people looking to fully explore, define and celebrate their eroticism & sexuality. By boldly sharing my experiences and struggles with all things sex, love & joy, I show others how candor can unlock their erotic and sexual power.
I am the mother of the yet to be defined SexLoveJoy movement and I am not yet the woman I truly want to be, but I am doing the work for both. Here you’ll be able to read all about my growth as a woman and also my stumbles. My writing of course will remain emotional but it will not be emotionalism without intellect. I am going to provide you with perspectives about living the biggest, fullest life filled with sex, love and joy because I will be living that life while doing the work and research.
So, I finally have come out as a sexuality and erotic creative. Yup. That’s what I am. The dream and wish behind that wish up there is much bigger but first I have to make that one up there true.
What am I working on coming true right this minute? Not adding to the noise that is being blogged. I know that writing about sex and sexuality is “En Vogue” now so I promise to not add to the noise!
I’m also working on either fixing or getting out of my thirteen year marriage. That’s my biggest obstacle right this minute. As tears fill my eyes to the point that I can no longer see the screen, I think about the pain that I am in. I think about how that pain fuels fear. Yes, fear is still present in my heart but I know that I have found allies that know more than me.
Last night one of my idols looked me in my eyes and gave me a look that I will never forget. She listened to me and she heard what is in my heart. She said nothing but she gave me a look that I will never forget.
A life changing look which said more than any conversation that I have ever had. Her look told me that she understood the pain and the purpose in my heart. It also said that I knew it too. It said DO what is right for YOU!
That look propelled me forward out of my pain and fear.
I’m going to work, even if it takes the rest of my life, to be on the other end of that look.
I’m a wise woman with a wish, doing the things it takes for that wish to become momentum…
::finally lets go of the tail of her kite::
© Anaín Bjorkquist November 11, 2011 ~ All Rights Reserved.