Anaín Bjorkquist

dynamics of threesomes series part one

So. You are one half of a happy stable sexually active couple that is open-minded about the possibility of inviting a third person into your bed? No? Then this guide isn’t for you. If you are a man or woman that is trying to figure out the right argument to present your significant other about allowing a third person into your bedroom this guide isn’t for you either. This post is strictly for those men and women that have already had a conversation about fulfilling their threesome fantasy with their partner.

All the advice I am giving starts with the assumption that you are a happy stable couple with a healthy sexual relationship and that neither of you is pressuring the other into giving into the other person’s fantasy…this is a choice you both want to make…this is your joint sexual fantasy.

This is for those of you that are looking to take that final step…from fantasy to reality. In this post I’ll present to you some cons and some pros then come tomorrow, I’ll hit you guys with some choices you’ll have to make as a couple before you finally do it.

A Few Common Cons:

  • For many couples the threesome sex-talk is better than the actual act! – Your man and you have been talking about having a threesome with another woman or another man or maybe even allowing each of you to have your turn fulfilling your threesome fantasy. Your sex is so much hotter and orgasms better when your conversation during sex flows into how you want to watch him make another woman cum. It might be that the thought of him and another man making you cum via double penetration gets you both off. These thoughts are taboo yet normal fantasies that many people enjoy talking about but can you really handle making them come true? Even the happiest, most stable, confident couples have been known to have feelings of jealousy creep in when they actually are in the moment watching the person they love fulfill these taboo fantasies. What your mind has tried to sell your heart…your heart might not be willing to buy. Suddenly after doing it one or both of you might wish that you just had kept it at the threesome sex-talk because the talk fulfilled you more than the actual act. Jealousy isn’t the only feeling that might pop up after actually doing it…you could feel cheap, dirty, guilty, and even like just you, alone, will never again be enough for your love. Before you leap make sure that doing it is something that you both think will fulfill you because once you do it there is no going back! Besides there is nothing wrong with keeping it at just sex-talk for some couples sharing the idea is enough…that is why threesomes are considered a sexual fantasy…not everyone does do it and many shouldn’t!
  • After enjoying a threesome fantasy for one of you it might become something you want as a part of your normal sexual reality! – Hey, this is reason number one why I personally wish I had never opened up Pandora’s Box on certain fantasies I’ve fulfilled. Whether it is the woman that wanted to have a threesome with her man because she not only wanted him to enjoy another woman but she wanted to explore her bisexuality or maybe even the man that thought about exploring his bisexuality…what happens when exploring leads you to realizing you in fact ARE bisexual? Do you box up your bisexuality and continue on in a monogamous heterosexual relationship? Would your partner become insecure knowing that you want someone of the same sex sexually? What happens to the couple where both partners are heterosexual but they enjoy having two people of the opposite sex in their bed? Once you realize that you are really fond of a certain taboo sex act but that your partner really only signed up for a one time experience it might leave you feeling unfulfilled. Again…keeping it at just the talk would never fully open your eyes to knowing the truth. For the sake of your relationship you both better talk about all the if’s including these IF you really plan on going through with having a threesome in real life.
  • STDs/STIs – This almost goes without saying because y’all already know in today’s world you just cannot risk living with a permanent disease over enjoying a temporary pleasure. Condoms, dental dams, latex gloves and spermicide are a must! Making sure that the third understands that you both only play with others that understand that safety comes first and foremost. Yes, I hate being Debbie Downer and I know that “safety” takes out some of the “oh, this is so spontaneous and forbidden” out of the act but it is a must! Protect yourself, your partner and the third person.

A Few Common Pros:

  • Enjoying a threesome together could make your sexual bond stronger! – What many couples that get the threesome wrong forget is that inviting a third into your bed is an experience that is about the couple. An experience that should bring both partners pleasure. Threesomes allow the couple to explore something that is a fantasy and done properly it can bring both of you satisfaction and joy to fulfill this fantasy together. With proper communication, setting of boundaries and knowing what you BOTH want to get out of the experience TOGETHER you can work towards assuring that the actual act gets pretty damn close to the expectations you set as a COUPLE. You can both walk away happy without those feelings of shame, jealousy or guilt because you worked together towards a common goal. A couple inviting a third into the bedroom is about the couple regardless of how vital that third is for fulfilling that fantasy. As long as you both make it about your love, your bond, your sexual fantasies as a couple then you should be able to move forward together as a couple all the better for it.
  • Two is often better than one! – Yes, this is about the couple’s fantasy. Yes. You both can enjoy it but the reality of a heterosexual threesome is that two of one sex will be on one of the opposite sex. For the woman that has always wanted to know what it felt like to pleasure a man orally while a man had sex with her actually doing it will definitely bring an orgasm that is far better than the one she had while thinking about it. For a man there is nothing like having two women on him. You can kindly ask one to slob on the knob while the other is on ball duty or if you are into giving rides hey…one can ride your lower half while the other rides your face. Then there is the other side of the heterosexual threesome fantasy…haven’t we all at least once wished we could multiply so that there were two of us to pleasure that man or woman we love just that much more? Yes, having someone in the bedroom helping you bring your partner to orgasm can be extremely fun. Getting your partner off with that extra help is as liberating as having two people pleasure you. Two is often better than one and that is why I encourage all couples to explore not only the common female-male-female fantasy but also the less common male-female-male fantasy as well! Hey, if you are going to be about it might as well be all about it.
  • A chance to push sexual boundaries and explore your sexuality! – When three open-minded sexually liberated people share a bed, floor, shower, or kitchen counter the sexual boundaries tend to fall down. You’d be surprised how quickly as a group of three you come up with new things to try. From two women figuring out how to give head to the same penis at once or two men realizing that swords won’t cross if one stays at her upper half while the other is at her lower half…exploring sexual boundaries during a threesome is part of what you are signing up for. I brought up the possibility that one or both of you might want to explore your desire to have sex with a person of the same sex and yes, this could be your chance to do just that. If the third that you invite into your bedroom is bisexual or bicurious then this is the safe place for you to explore your curiosity with the person you love at your side. Being able to explore this fantasy further with your partner is very liberating if your partner is open to the thought of you being with someone of the same sex. Whether you decide that you are or are not really bisexual just knowing that your partner was open to the idea of you exploring who you are is a loving experience.

These are just a few common pros and cons…not the ones everyone else seems to be talking about either but the ones that I feel are important for me to share. I didn’t pull these out of the air or my glorious ass ::giggles:: these come from my sexperiences with male-female-male threesomes, female-male-female threesomes, swinging and enjoying several other things outside of the vanilla world. I hope this post helped you. If you have any advice to add to this post please be my guest or if you have questions you can leave them in the comments or ask me anonymously via email using the form below. Do come back Monday to read, “Some Choices You’ll Have To Make As A Couple Before You Finally Do It! – A Threesomes Guide for Couples Part Two”.

© Anaín Bjorkquist April 28, 2011 ~ All Rights Reserved.

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