Throughout my life I have had periods during which I have not only wanted but I have also needed to completely pull away from almost everyone in my life. Right now this need to free myself from other people includes distancing myself from my mother. I am not proud of the fact that for the last several weeks I haven’t kept in regular contact with my mother. I am also somewhat ashamed that I have not been keeping up with my closest friends either. I don’t want to talk to anyone really. It isn’t a personal thing. It isn’t them. It REALLY is me! It is really me in such a great way.
I feel this desire to be within myself. I feel a desire to act on what I dream of doing. I am acting on the things that I dream of doing. As I am taking action I am also preparing for all the next steps that will follow and even daring to dream further into the future than I have ever before. I used to just dream and talk to my very closest friends about what I was planning on doing but I never would get to doing. During many of these conversations my friends would ask me for general advice about circumstances around their goals but they would never give specifics. Other friends were pretty distant when it came to sharing their dreams only talking about what they had done or were doing. I had friends that also shared their dreams with me as much as I shared it with them. I wondered why it was that only a few were as open as I was about goals and dreams.
As I looked carefully at the pattern that life was trying to reveal to me it became apparent. My friends that had accomplished BIG goals were the ones that really didn’t talk about their goals. My friends that had talked about their big goals were still planning or had quit working towards their goals altogether. There I was seeing this pattern when my very superstitious Cuban upbringing brought up a red flag. Conyo! Telling people my goals was bringing me bad luck. If I said something it wasn’t going to happen because someone was going to jinx me. So. I stopped talking to most of my friends about my plans. From then on I would only tell a trusted 2 or 3 people about the direction I was heading in with my dreams. These were people I really trusted they wouldn’t give me the evil eye!
I started to get more things done but the BIG goals well those were still on indefinite hold. What in the world was wrong with me? Why was the universe plotting against me? Could it be that one of the three most trusted people in my life was sending negative energy my way? I didn’t know but it sure felt like I couldn’t do right because anytime I told anything about what I was going to do it most certainly was not getting done. Then one day while I was on one of my favorite websites I found this video…
…Bad news I should have kept my mouth shut. I should have not let others acknowledge my goals because they were helping me make it feel like my goals were already reality. I wish I had known that my mind mistook talking for doing. I wish I had known all of this before I ever started telling people my goals. But thank god that I did find this video months ago and that I applied the lesson in it. I watch this video weekly to remind myself to keep my mouth shut.
I am still looking for the video that explains to the people that I love and love me that…
…I don’t want to talk…I just want to do!
© Anaín Bjorkquist August 25, 2011 ~ All Rights Reserved.