Anaín Bjorkquist

motherhood a selfish act

One of my girls says that choosing to bring children into this world is a very selfish act. If you are parent that knows the amount of selflessness required to always do right by your children you might disagree with her. But when her theory is argued using a different statement you might agree that there is some truth behind her theory.

“When Darwin used the term survival of the fittest he was not referring to your good looks or your bank account; he was counting your children. If you raise babies that have babies, you are what nature calls fit. You have passed your genes to the next generation and in terms of survival you have won.” – Dr. Helen Fisher

When my husband saw the two blue lines on the home pregnancy test he asked if we were really ready and my answer to him April 30, 1999 was, “I just want a little pocket version of you that I can spoil, love and protect! I want to see what we created from our love and lust! We will figure it out and I’m sure we will manage.” We selfishly choose to bring our first son into the world even though I wasn’t done with college, my husband didn’t have a well paying job and we barely had enjoyed being a married couple because we both agreed that we wanted living proof of “our love” in this world.

Although we did figure it out and we have managed fairly well at being decent parents the reason why we decided to have children was entirely selfish! We had no clue what we were really getting into when we decided to become parents but we dreamed of all the joy our child would bring. We dreamed of the pain in our own hearts that baby would heal. We were being entirely selfish but had no clue that we were being selfish because we were thinking of all the selfless work it would take to raise our baby. Yet…

…Being a mother is how I have gotten a chance to see the world through new eyes. Being a mother has brought more love and joy into my life than anything else. Being a mother has taught me that my own mother although terribly flawed tried her very best and loves me very much. Being a mother taught me to be a much better daughter. Being a mother is why I hear constantly throughout the day that I am beautiful, smart, good, nice, awesome, a great cook and the list goes on and on and on. Being a mother is how I KNOW I am truly loved by three people for no other reason than because I am. Being a mother is how the best pieces of me will live on for many years after I pass away – hopefully. These are all very selfish things but they are not the most selfish reason of all…

Being a mother is how I get three extra chances at changing this world for the better. My sons live under my rule nurtured by my love imprinted by my words forever changed by the woman that selfishly decided she wanted to give each of them a chance at life. This woman is the driving force in their lives and they are the light in mine! When the story of Columbine came on the news while I was pregnant with my first son I realized that doing right by him wasn’t about me or him but about the world. If I mess up my sons I could mess up the world?!? Well maybe not the world but life for someone else – every murderer has a mother. We are connected to everyone else on this planet and our actions have consequences. That in itself is why choosing to have children is the most selfish act in this world but being a good parent is about being selfless! I am a selfless mother with one very selfish wish – I want to change the world for the better through my children!

“Being a mother isn’t all I do. It’s not even what made me a woman. But it’s the most important thing I do. And am.” – dream hampton

When dream tweeted that months ago my heart sang and danced! In less than 140 characters dream had told my most important truth. Being a mother isn’t all I do. It’s not even what made me a woman. But it’s the most important thing I do. And am. I am a selfish woman that decided to become a selfless mother. I am a mother that is doing her best to do right by her children and yours! Selfishness and survival of the fittest redefined!

© Anaín Bjorkquist October 31, 2011 ~ All Rights Reserved.

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