The day I discovered that it WAS fear holding me back. But it wasn’t the fear of failure or fear of success…
For years, it was so incredibly easy for me to share all the struggles I had experienced here on this site. It never scared me to talk about my life-long depression. Not. One. Bit. I wasn’t afraid of telling all the ugly truths that had occurred in my marriage or how awful sex had become for us. I wasn’t even afraid of being honest about how I often failed as a mom or that sometimes motherhood came with all the tears.
lump in throat
tears welling up
pain so deep
it has been inside forever
enveloped by the pain
is the seed of a better self
what hurts the most
isn’t the breaking
it is the blossoming
trusting that in the shadow
the soul will find a way out
reach for the light
but first it must master
being while becoming
gotta let go
trust in the being
trust in the doing
trust in the pain of becoming
© Anaín Bjorkquist July 20, 2014 ~ All Rights Reserved.
i forgive you mom…
…motherhood has taught me better.
my mother & i have a complicated relationship.
for most of my life she was the person who i loved the most. i would have died several times over for her to know true romantic love & personal joy.
yet, at the same time i resented her…
…for shattering herself into a million pieces over and over, and over again to stay in a totally blah, empty marriage.
she stayed for the sake of appearances & lack of courage to figure out what would truly make HER happy.
she subjected her children to watching her live a life that was slowly, painfully teaching them that love & joy are only flashes in the pan.
teaching them to seek every which where for love & joy except within.
Hello Beautiful One,
I have a confession…
This was supposed to be a great year yet it has been mostly anything but that. With a lump in my throat as I type, a lot of not knowing on my mind and tears flowing as rapidly as the anger that is racing through my veins my heart is screaming for everything to be okay. Life should be okay. No! Life should be great. Life should be great once you’ve beat the monster that chased you repeatedly. Life shouldn’t deliver another blow. But it has. This too I shall overcome or so I desperately hope.
Last Wednesday, I shared a story with you and the Merriam-Webster definition of the word sexy, then I left you to ponder the question, “What makes you sexy?” If you missed that post you can read it here
These days the word sexy describes everything and anything but for me sexy isn’t something that can be bought. Yes, the lust we feel for material things is real. Sure enough, I am extremely guilty of calling stilettos sexy when they trigger my lust or desire to possess, but high heels are not and cannot be sexy. You cannot buy the most expensive pair of stilettos and expect to be sexy. Those heels won’t make you sexy, even if you have the most ideal body wrapped in the most beautiful designer dress, and your hair, nails and everything is did.