Anaín Bjorkquist

quinceañera

If things had been different…

…Tomorrow, you’d be celebrating your Quince while everyone wished you a very happy birthday.

My reality is…

…Memories of what could have been while I wonder if I should even consider September 8th your birthday.

If things had been different…

…Tomorrow, I would be wondering how my little girl had grown up so fast as I grasped at every minute of the days left of your childhood so that I could enjoy them as much as possible.

My reality is…

…Grasping on to the joy that you brought into my life in those months that you grew inside of me as I ask God why you were taken from me so quickly.

If things had been different…

…Tomorrow, you’d be wondering why I was gushing so much over you as I drove you crazy with the details about why I consider you my awesome daughter.

My reality is…

…Me going crazy wondering if you ever felt the love I have for you my awesome only daughter.

If things had been different…

…Tomorrow, I would hold you tightly hoping that my hugs and love would prevent my daughter from suffering any of the pain that is often associated with womanhood.

My reality is…

…Hugging each of your three brothers very tightly showing them what love is so that maybe their manhood won’t be the cause why another woman’s daughter is suffering.

If things had been different…

…Tomorrow, would be a day filled with joy.

My reality is…

…That since 1996 September 8th has never brought me joy…only grieving.

If things had been different.

If things had been different.

If things had been different!

How I wish it had been different…

…How I wish things were different even if tomorrow things were less than the ideals that I dream that we could have been.

My reality is…

…My reality isn’t that bad because even if I only had you with me for those months it was long enough to know the value of a child and the power of a mother’s love.

My reality is…

…That I will always be your mother. We are bonded for all time.

My reality is…

…Tomorrow there will be no Fiesta de Quinceañera.

My reality is…

…Honoring  the year in which you would transition from childhood to womanhood by working harder than ever before to become a woman and mother you would be proud of.

Happy Birthday Isabel Grace! Mommy loves you!

© Anaín Bjorkquist September 7, 2011 ~ All Rights Reserved.

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