Tires gripping the road as I was taking the curve which turns Highway 680 into Highway 24 headed into the city. Looking around because this is one of my favorite parts of the drive. The hills are full of green on both sides of the highway. You feel like you’re so much closer to heaven until you notice the Bart line cutting the highway in half and it disappears again. I was singing loudly, off key, my foot pressed down on the gas ensuring that I was driving at optimal speed. The “Deuces Remix” came on. Into my zone I went as I drove into the tunnel. My singing got louder as I hit that one spot where the XM service cuts off for just a few seconds because you know optimal speed is 80. As I am zooming out the tunnel trying to decide if I should take 13 to head into Berkeley before hitting the city I hear the end of Kanye’s verse come through my speakers.
what I’m dealing with is too real for me to comment on / Jay finally got it through my head not to run my mouth
Those words hit me. Hard. I miss the exit for Berkeley. In front of me I see the city I love most. Clearly. There is no fog. Outside or in my mind. I navigate the curves of the overpass, back down towards the toll, pay, through it I go. Gotta stop for the red before heading through the Bay Bridge. I watch the cadence of green lights…it is my turn…my mind still just barely out the tunnel…it is MY green…GO!
what I’m dealing with is too real for me to comment on / I finally got it through MY head WHEN to run my mouth / I’m on some new shit / I’m chuckin’ my deuces up to shame / I’m movin’ on to somethin’ better, better, better / No more tryin’ to make me fit
I took the left exit when I should have gone right but that’s what happens when you unabashedly give up shame. When you must get the most of what’s left of your life your eyes open to what’s important. You return to that place when you believed that there is strength in your thoughts. Strength enough to build upon what’s in your heart. In that heart there are dreams which scream louder than the voices of others. They are dreams that know no bounds. The dreaming is key to living but the doing is what you live for. Doing what is right for YOU…unabashedly giving up shame.
Say what you may about my choices but in this time I have chosen to live for something greater than what you have to say about me. I’m living so that when life takes me through the toll…when it is my turn to pay…that I don’t think of regrets…I want to shine as I press the gas down one more time…when that light turns green and it is my turn to GO!
© Anaín Bjorkquist December 8, 2010 ~ All Rights Reserved.