Anaín Bjorkquist

what boundaries

As I was emerging the winner of a lifelong battle with depression, I realized that boundaries were the only way to keep my stressful life from overwhelming me. Boundaries kept me sane, helped me figure out who/what to pour my love and energy into and assured that my heart wouldn’t be easily shattered again.

Years ago, I wrote that boundaries are the best way to make sure you are valued, so about a year ago when I heard Danielle LaPorte’s “Open, gentle heart. Big fucking fence.” I thought yesssssssssssssss!!! Hell yes! She was speaking my heart with all the eloquence.

Press play if you’ve never heard it or want to be reminded of her genius poem on boundaries.

Boundaries are also, as Danielle said, a way to protect your heart so that you can keep it wide open.

You need to protect your heart. Fiercely.

Protecting your heart becomes easy enough after one has experienced enough heartache.

It doesn’t take too long to learn that those that tell you that you are too emotional usually don’t care much about your feelings.

One or two perpetual line jumpers is all it takes to put up a “big, fucking fence” around your heart.

But how do you keep your heart open when you’ve become afraid to love or you distrust your own knowing?

You become more vigilant about your boundaries!

You stop giving people third, fourth and more chances when they’ve shown you more than once that they aren’t invested in it like you.

When you are afraid to love and distrust yourself you should completely concentrate on your commitment to show up for yourself.

Because boundaries also are the thin line between self-love and self-hate.

This is the part of the conversation that tends to be left out when boundaries are discussed…a lack of them or minimal ones reflect a lack of self-worth.

And when I say this, please understand that I am not referring to you having to follow any societal or moral code in regards to respectability. Your boundaries are very much yours. Your big, fucking fence is going to be very different than mine.

Because your boundaries are also your triggers.

Those things that set you off. Those things that mean more to you than anything else. Those things that you probably didn’t get growing up. Those things that have been invalidated repeatedly by others. And habitually being triggered tears away the foundation of your self-worth and eventually makes you feel completely powerless. But…

You aren’t powerless even if you have made all the wrong choices from there to here.

Even if your heart is utterly closed, in it are all the answers you have been seeking.

And the only way to access that inner knowing is to become the one person in this world that respects your boundaries.

Because boundaries are your commitment to thriving.

Give yourself that good love you want from others.

Respect your soul’s desires by starting before you are ready.

Don’t ignore what hurts your body, mind or soul.

Trust that you can feel any and all emotions fully.

Be the asshole. Be the bitch.

Be whatever it takes to protect your gentle heart.

© Anaín Bjorkquist August 21, 2015 ~ All Rights Reserved.

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