Anaín Bjorkquist

what do you do when the good sex you are getting isn’t enough

Sex is just one of many aspects of a long-term relationship yet sex is one of the keys that keeps two people united. A strong sexual bond between two people that love one another helps get them both through all sorts of rough patches. A weak sexual bond between two people in love though creates voids that need filling.

How does one go about filling these voids when the void isn’t caused by quality but by quantity?
If the sex was disappointing that would make things much easier because you wouldn’t want to be with them sexually.When you do want them you constantly are filled with a desire that just won’t go away…it leaves you wanting and yearning for your partner…a partner that you know cannot meet those expectations. You begin to wonder if something is wrong with you because you want more than what your partner can give. You begin to wonder how you can restore things to how they once were. In the beginning you pumped and humped in unison like one beating heart but now the beat has begun to slow down.

If your partner isn’t fulfilling your sexual needs is that reason enough to move on?

They say that sacrifice and compromise are part of a long lasting relationship but when you can’t give up what you need most there might not be room for two. What you need is for the person you love to finish getting you off and nobody but you can understand where you are coming from. Friends and family ask if sex really is THAT big of a deal to throw everything else away…to them you have it all. You wonder to yourself if maybe just maybe IF the problem was anything but sex would they take you seriously? Sex seems like such a trivial thing to everyone but you. They tell you that spark diminishes from all long-term relationships or that desire comes and goes in waves the longer you are together. This is just not your case though…the spark is there, the desire is too it just happens to be that the person you love isn’t fully meeting your needs sexually. They are great in bed they just don’t need it or want it as much as you do. You know that you aren’t perfect your love learned to accept things about you too…so, you stay.

The longer you stay the more you compromise lowering the bar further and further so that they can feel as if together you’re jumping this hurdle.

You’ve stayed so long that the problem becomes you! The problem isn’t your partner’s inability to satisfy you it is that you want too much from sex. If you speak up to try to make the situation better they throw it in your face that what you want just isn’t “normal”. You compromised and settled for less…getting less and less in return each time. You can’t seem to walk away from something that is slowly destroying you piece by piece. But sweet baby Jesus…it is just sex you tell yourself…but it is what you need most to feel connected, wanted and loved. If you aren’t getting the sex that you need it seems like torture instead of pleasure. In fact you’ve gotten to the point where you feel that you are in an abusive relationship. Why would someone that loves you not try to meet your needs. Why should you have to settle for less instead of them trying to achieve more to make this work?

You give it all you have but in return you just can’t get the one thing you want most…night after night or day after day of mind blowing sex is all you want. I am the problem you say as you stay…once again wondering what is wrong with you because you just don’t want to settle with what you have but then again you also don’t want to destroy the rest you’ve built…over sex?!?

What would YOU do if the good sex you were getting in your relationship wasn’t enough?

© Anaín Bjorkquist January 13, 2011 ~ All Rights Reserved.

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