Having feelings of wanting to run far far away. Feeling completely restless. So incredibly restless that I cannot study or get much done on the novel that I should be editing or the reading I need to do for this or that. The feelings of restlessness are quickly followed by anger and I don’t like myself when I become that person. The anger is followed by an emptiness and overbearing feelings of guilt. I don’t know what to do to make these feelings go away.
I know that I’ve hit a wall. A big wall that is going to take a lot of work to break through. I know exactly where the disconnect is within me and I also know what the internal and external things I need to change to make my life flow again are. *Seeing* the problems clearly doesn’t make them any better, any easier or any less painful. Sometimes in the seeing is where the most pain resides; where feelings have the most power and I don’t know what to do to make these feelings go away!
Hell yeah it hurts when you realize what the fuck is wrong with yourself or the life you’ve created!
I think that so many people stay unhappy or don’t move on because just the pain of seeing the problem becomes so big that the realization alone overwhelms them. What you see seems bigger than anything else so taking all the tiny actions you as a person need to fix things just is too much. Where do you start attacking the problem?
That’s exactly where I am right now…