I’ve been trying to remember when I discovered masturbation but I can’t pinpoint a beginning. My first memory seems to be around the age of 8. I actually didn’t touch myself much preferring my pillow instead. Rolling over and rubbing myself against the pillow produced a minimal but somewhat satisfactory orgasm. I didn’t know it was an orgasm, though. All I knew is that it felt really good. I also knew I had to keep it secret. Especially from my super Christian sexually repressed parents. It’s because of them that this story gets more complicated.
I grew up Catholic but around 4th grade my Mother discovered a new Catholic Church that was more evangelical. Suddenly we were going to prayer meetings, bible studies, revivals and retreats. They already had outdated mid 1950’s attitudes towards relationships and sex but the new religion made them even more conservative. My parents NEVER talked about sex. Not while I was starting to explore my prepubescent body, not when I matured at the early age of 10 nor even as an inexperienced 17 year old leaving for college. I learned everything about menstruation and puberty from my friend next door and 5th grade sex ed class. I learned about sex from my sister’s magazines and books I discovered in her closet.