This post is part three of a story that began here.
This story is about how a guy I did not know had sex with me without my permission and I didn’t say anything.
In this post you’ll get to read about how I felt and approached sex after.
victim?! survivor?! neither!?
A little over sixteen years ago, I had an experience that I carried with me for a very long time before I finally processed it.
I had taken a shower after he raped me but as my tears ran down my body cleaning my body better than soap and water ever could, my mind decided to put the experience into that secret place so that I could forget and move on. After that shower, I never thought about what happened, I never considered myself a victim, I much less would have thought of myself as a survivor. I didn’t want to think about it; I wanted to get back to being the sexual woman that had never had a bad sexual experience not even in her worst relationship.
It wasn’t until a little over a year ago, when someone commented on a piece I wrote about choking and rough sex that I realized how my mind had chosen to process this experience that from what I knew most women would react differently to. When the person left the comment she said that as someone that was a survivor of sexual abuse that she didn’t understand how women could enjoy rough sex my response to her comment reactivated the memory of this experience.