prose

my stressful life is tranquil

my heart is at peace

my world is full of stress

yes, a lot of things are out of my control

but for the most part my life is tranquil

stress doesn’t stress me out anymore

life isn’t out of control because I finally know

that the more I own what I can change

that the more I act on what I can do

that the more I let go and just live

the more tranquil living MY stressful life is

if only I had known sooner how to step into my feminine power

if only I had known sooner how lovely simplicity is

if only I had known sooner how to set boundaries and expectations

but it doesn’t matter how long it took me to get here

I made it

made it to this time in my life when I finally know how to love and respect myself

my life is definitely stressful but it is self-love and self-respect that keep my heart at peace

yes, a lot of things are out of my control

but for the most part my stressful life is tranquil

xo, Anaín

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one more taste

All I want is to be locked up with you in a hotel suite…

Sanctuary.

All I dream of is the last time you completely let go with me…

Smiles.

All I can think of is your naked skin on mine…

Sweat.

You using your eyes…

Me using my eyes…

to penetrate one another from across the room.

But without a lover like you there is no way to recreate the wants, dreams, and thoughts.

When sex is very good for me it is with someone just like you…

there is nothing like having a lover that was born sexual,

there is nothing like experiencing unabashed lust with someone that breaths sensuality on my wavelength,

there is nothing like you and I moving to the same beat…

Trying to recreate that chemistry seems impossible to me.

Is it a crazy thought to think about what it would be like if…

We could have one more taste?!

xo, Anaín

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backwards. forwards. present.

looking back towards where i have been

looking forward towards where i want to be

enhancing my life along the way

unsure when i will be whole again

or if a woman raised by a broken set of adults ever could be

possibilities are the things that keep me moving

forward but often with many setbacks

it feels like i am often alone with me

these thoughts full of hope

the fears that try to pause my progress

possibilities that would be greater

if  only i didn’t have all the baggage

it feels like i am responsible for too many

these thoughts full of despair

the joys that try to remind to progress

looking back towards where i have been

looking forward towards where i want to be

enhancing my life along the way…

however far away

however long it takes

i will always move forward

xo, Anaín

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your love on me…

After all the sex

After all the love

After all the joy

After all these years

I finally know

 

I finally know what good love is

I finally know how your love feels on me

Your love feels like my favorite sweater

It hugs me tight

It warms my body

It always looks better on me

 

Like my favorite sweater

Your love is my first choice when this world gets cold

It wouldn’t matter how many other loves I try because your love

Like my favorite sweater

Is the ONLY one that will never come between me, myself and I

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my lust for reading

I wrote this little piece this morning and posted it on my Facebook right after. It is a perfect description of where my mind has been and why my e-pen has been silent…

My mind voraciously consumes books as my pen sits still. My mind romances my pen with vivid thoughts creating a sensual dance before it. Moved by thoughts my mind peels off layers of ignorance which once covered it like clothing. As my mind strips before my pen she reveals a well of knowledge within, that my pen yearns to dive deep into.

xo, Anaín

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shit filled septembers

In early May I began wading in a shit filled abyss. My body went limp. My voice grew weak. I couldn’t express all the emotions that had overcome me. All the trauma that surfaced with one visit to Florida. I was supposed to be there for six weeks but only lasted three. I physically fled from that place and those emotions but my voice it had left me and my mind remained in that abyss now all the way in it; swimming desperately trying to escape. It wasn’t until Sezin reached out with an unexpected post that lifted me up above the  rip current of worthlessness and despair that I had been swimming against. After the silence I was able to post things that I thought I would never be able to share with anyone. I wrote things down that I hadn’t told some of my best friends. I was heard by so many and felt better for sharing one of my darkest moments.

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a thousand pieces

My wings are broken into a thousand pieces.

My voice ran from me.

I want to scream about how much it all hurts but I cannot manage to utter a single meaningful word.

I want to run away from everything but I especially want to run away from me.

I am broken.

I am in a thousand pieces.

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quinceañera

If things had been different…

…Tomorrow, you’d be celebrating your Quince while everyone wished you a very happy birthday.

My reality is…

…Memories of what could have been while I wonder if I should even consider September 8th your birthday.

If things had been different…

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