Each of us, even if we’ve never had one romantic relationship, comes into relationships with some baggage. No matter how emotionally healthy we are, we definitely have some things that we are carrying into the relationship.
Everyone has an issue or two or a dozen more.
When two people (with a few issues each) start falling in love sometimes they create a relationship of many ups and downs that sends them jolting and wondering if they will be thrown violently out of love and into despair.
When you and your partner both have emotional baggage the probability of their being drama is high.
Drama as in…any situation or series of events having vivid, emotional, conflicting, or striking interest or results.
Back in the day, when I was less aware of the emotional triggers that my baggage caused it was extremely easy for a partner’s actions to set me off and the dramatic fireworks would begin. I was one of those people with a lot of baggage that tended to create unnecessary drama in my relationships and drama is what breakups are made of. Who can love someone regardless of the amount of conflict that they bring into your life? Better yet who wants to?
Yes, love should be unconditional but loving someone as they come and loving someone that brings drama into your life are two very different things.
Yet, these two things sometimes do become entangled…
What if you fall in love with someone that because of their baggage isn’t yet aware that they create drama?
What do you do then?
In my life there are currently a few people that are in relationships with people that are good people but their past isn’t something that they have worked through enough to not bring unwanted bullshit into the lives of the ones they love. It is really hard to watch people that I care about be in these relationships because they are so torn about whether to stay and love them as they do the work or go.
When my friends talk to me about their relationships one of the things I always say is, “all relationships have their ups and downs.” That is a true statement but do all relationships have drama? The relationships that I’ve seen work, the ones in which love is still alive and healthy do have their ups and downs but these relationships are for the most part drama-free.
I find myself taking a closer look at the entire history of my relationship, taking a closer look at my past relationships, and taking a closer look at all the relationships around me that work and don’t work. There is a definite answer when I look closely but it I definitely think…
How do any of us make relationships work when we all come with baggage, are capable of drama and so many of us didn’t grow up in families where there were healthy examples of love?
What makes love last?
The first answer that comes to mind is peace. The more peace and tranquility that my partner and I approach problems with the better we can overcome them. For love to last you cannot create drama within your relationship. The world will already bring plenty of drama, stress and bullshit to your door that will test your love and will definitely push those triggers that you came into the relationship with; no extra drama needed.
As I sit here wishing that I could shake the shit out of a few smart good people that could be better partners to those I love my heart aches and wants to scream, “Stop bringing all this fucking drama!”
And the second answer that comes to mind is a question…
Do YOU BOTH want the same relationship?
Because there are some people that do want and enjoy drama and will be quick to blame their past for their current actions…
If you want lasting love it is best if you stay away from *that* kind.
Yes, my heart wants to scream…
Stop the fucking drama, unpack your baggage and move the fuck forward before you lose what could be lasting love!